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(224):
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
(817):
i was having sex with my boyfriend and right when he said "daddys coming" he let a huge fart out and said "oh shit I'm done"
(317):
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
(lion):
Last night, "Man, I wanna be a lion. Lions are so cool. If i f*ck a lion will i become one?" MDT
(831):
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
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(905):
(905)are you at home? (905) nope on my way tho.. im taking the dragon home(905) whhhatt? (905) yupp a fire breathing princess slaying dragon (905) ive never been so jealous
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