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(905):
I have $56 to spend on yummy Wendy's fries and i intend to spend every last penny doing so!
(807):
my drunk self likes to play pranks on my sober self. like tomorrow morning, soberme is gonna wonder why she's covered in sparkles.
(806):
Good morning. I've killed alotta zombies and now it's time for sex (806): Its 5 in the fucking morning!! (1-806): If the zombies were awake there's no excuse for you not to be. Be there in 10
(412):
hey you are on birth control right? cus i def pushed a big load out in you last night and i dont wanna have to pay for child support
(267):
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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(508):
(sent): wats good (recvd): who is this (sent): you dont remember? we fucked last night after dionnes party (recvd): oh shit really? did i cum? (sent): hell ya (recvd): aw yayyy thanks
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