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(831):
I just did the most awesome fart in the world! It sounded exactly like someone shuffling two decks of cards at once.
(609):
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
(+44):
I want to lie you down and kick your puppy
(706):
Received last night: "I would punch a child for taco bell..." MDT
(909):
hey ur friend is beating the shit out of a plastic flamingo bc she said it stole her truck.. you should come see this
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(905):
she sucks dick better than the ancient Greeks
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