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(682):
He got 2 boxes of condoms in his stocking. His parents know us too well. God I love my boyfriends family.
(757):
why did i wake up with cotton in my pocket? not bathroom cotton balls, cotton with the seeds in it!! what happened last night?
(716):
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
(541):
I just wrote "magical florescent unicorn rides" above his dick with a sharpie! OWNED!
(630):
(sent) I just met this amazing guy! He already has a pet name for me, it's really cute. (received) what is it? (sent) Butter Face :D
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(613):
If it's not bad enough that I can't get laid, I can not only hear the tramp cats fucking, but also my orgasming 80 year old neighbors, what the FUCK is this!
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