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(317):
(sent) I will be ovulating the night of september fourteenth. (recvd) oh oh! maybe jake will be able to sense it that night and he'll just feel the urge to jump off stage, pounce on you, and fuck the shit out of you. like a tiger.
(615):
I'm going to start selling regular blankets and market them as stylish "strapless" Snuggies.
(609):
(sent) i swear They were after me lucky charms so i got in my car turned around and ran those imaginary bastards over (recv'd) so you murdered imaginary children chasing after a cereal you never had? (sent) it was self defense dont judge me
(716):
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
(859):
Woke up feeling sore and a roll of twenties on the bedside stand. I have no idea what happened last night.
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(215):
I randomly called at 4:35 am, just to ask him if he was Italian....
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