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(301):
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
(202):
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called 'mistakes i made when i was fat' - MDT
(773):
I think he chipped my tooth... as he kissed me... now that's passionate!
(575):
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
(585):
He wont wake up, should I just give him wake up head then tell him he has to leave? I mean thats semi polite right?
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(319):
you were so drunk you pissed on your laptop
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