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(905):
you told the pan "your still clean you can go back just dont start a fire" and put it back in the drawer after trying to cooking cheetos
(856):
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him. (215): no pressure.
(506):
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
(513):
I just cleaned out my toilet because I knew that my head would be in it later
(636):
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
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(401):
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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