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(615):
I woke up to find my husband picking the dead skin off my back from a sunburn I got and eating it.
(817):
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
(309):
What are you up to? I miss you so much... The batteries died in my dildo.
(Anonymous):
Last night, "I want 2 drnk the blood and eat the fleash of jesus christ! I love him..."
(343):
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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(215):
I don't remember last night. I woke up with no pants, a cat on me, a slice of pizza and my phone in my hands.
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