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(818):
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
(781):
my ex girlfriend who i always thought was a girl was a dude with a fake vagina
(513):
"i want you to meet my daughter and parents, they'll love you"... received from the stranger i slept w/ last night, while i was in his bathroom about to book it.
(814):
It involved a lot of shots and doing lines of coke off hookers asses
(706):
Your BF is wasted! (1-706) I know right... he and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me pretending to eat my hair.
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(740):
I'm really sorry I stepped on your dog's ass crack. Should we take it to the vet?
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