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(859):
He asked for a vodka cranberry, handed the flight attendant a $50 and asked her to leave it open! "Sir, it's only an hour flight..."
(513):
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
(518):
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss
(252):
I found a keg behind my apartment with beer still in it, i had a cup of it and it tasted fine, is it bad i wanted a beer that bad at 11am?
(129):
most things can be toilet paper, most places can be toilets
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(405):
it was a classy orgy
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