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(757):
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
(302):
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
(805):
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
(614):
Dude, I was just playing xbox and my girlll came down buck naked and did the deed...I was in the middle of comin g and yelled...ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
(916):
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
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(954):
lol i do want it bad but your my best friend you cant be my fuck buddy like you have best friends & fuck buddys. your just not on my fuck buddy list.
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