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(715):
Japan is fucking awesome. I just bought a box of "American size" condoms. Got 2 cell numbers and groped before I even left the store.
(206):
Oh iphone....how I love your autocorrect. You make me seem so less drunk than I really am!!!
(808):
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
(408):
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
(814):
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
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(319):
i decided to burn some calories today, so i lit a fat kid on fire...
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