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(630):
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
(574):
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
(919):
im gonna make a new drink n name it "responsibly" os next time i get shitfaced, i'll be able to say "at least i drank responsibly"
(813):
So Tim racked up the first ever triple digit bar tab at that new place so the owner let him sign his name on the bar
(414):
(Sent) Dude I'm rocking out to Journey while taking a shower. (Rcvd) Haha You're cute. (Sent) No, seriously man...You aren't hearing it like I am hearing it. Its fanfuckintastic. Oh, ps...I'm high. VERY high.
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(740):
they made squeezable jelly so that drunk people could make pb&j too
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