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(612):
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
(512):
you know what would really piss him off? If you gave me a blow job... (received): on my way
(631):
holy shit the other night i went skinny dipping with a few girls while drunk, got a boner, and then one of the girls commented on the largeness of my cock..best night ever?
(361):
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
(678):
Dude her vag was bad. Like it looked like it had tried to blow fire at the last guy and he had to slay it with excalibur.
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(270):
I just kept doing keg stands with my legs crossed... Like a lady.
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