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(410):
he was a virgin so he said he didn't need a condom, little does he know i have syphillis ;)
(530):
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
(817):
i like to fart in vaginas while im drunk
(254):
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
(720):
(720) so he ended up getting real close and then when he was about to kiss me he said "I wanna cuddle" and burrowed himself into my neck. Then he said "SIKE" and started making out with me. (303) 10 bucks says it was the rookies first time up to bat
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(608):
the funniest part is that in the middle of giving out the shmiderkins timber called me and I answered. Hahahahahaha
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