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(908):
he told me I talked like a deaf person
(954):
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
(407):
I went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. when you wish upon a star...
(209):
Last night, as she was throwing up in the toilet and I was throwing up in the bathtub, I reached over and squeezed her hand and said "see we're bonding"
(417):
I am drunk, and in a trunk. This is a fucked up version of a Dr. Seuss book. Help me?
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(612):
2 Weddings open bars then somehow ended up at a cabin in luck wi 45 min away and i just woke up in my own bed wtf? How did i get home
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