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(720):
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
(778):
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
(201):
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
(Anonymous):
Last night I sent "Why did you just call me, its 5:36 in the morning" Received back "I'm drunk. I just a got a DUI. and im in jail. and im hungry. can u bring me Mc'donalds?" MDT
(630):
I was masturbating to porn on my iphone, when my mom texted me... iv never felt more awkward
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(954):
My friends dad just called asking if I would Trade weed for morphine.
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