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(905):
You know how on Mario when you can fly you have a racoon tail and cat ears? WELL I HAVE A RACOON TAIL AND CAT EARS GLUED TO ME, WHY AM I NOT ABLE TO FLY
(910):
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
(419):
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
(203):
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
(631):
i went into my stepmoms drawer to look for a pair of socks when i came across her purple vibrator. it started to vibrate and when i went to turn it off i broke off a piece and it wouldnt stop vibrating.. i ran.. and my parents came home to the vibrator going off uncontrolably in the drawer .. awesome
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(609):
(sent) chris save some puss for andrew!!!! (rcv'd) haha. i can't help it. i had my hair in braided pigtails.
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