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(262):
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
(609):
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
(910):
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
(509):
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober. (406): IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
(267):
i woke up from my blackout in a police station and asked the cop for a beer. then my parents came in to save me because i had a missing person's report out on me. i'm not sure if i should be proud or not.
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(209):
Dust got away with drunk driving. Im good. good i say!
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