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(479):
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
(786):
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick (305): I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
(303):
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
(989):
All I remeber is wakin up and havin a 3 mile walk of shame in the pouring down rain!!!
(563):
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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(630):
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter.
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