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(516):
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
(917):
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
(740):
my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you."
(216):
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
(860):
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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(405):
(rec) Memphis is running away. (sent) aww... good for him. (sec) No good bad
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