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(434):
He fucked the shit out of me...literally.
(715):
Dude, your girlfriend just showed up at my house naked and crying... (1-715): Shit, not again, be there in five (715): She just pissed in my sink , make it three (1-715): Great. (715): She wants to stay the night, grab a movie on the way, she says something with spongebob.
(904):
Damn bitch you took 8 shots of goldschlager 4 of captain and 6 of skyy and played 10 rounds of flip cup and won every time how the fuck are you not dead right now?
(812):
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
(619):
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
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(618):
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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