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(802):
We got pulled over and told to get out of the car. So I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway."
(856):
my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle.
(519):
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
(925):
It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people
(920):
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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(312):
last night i had a sex dream with some hot ass black dude. thought it was a wet dream but it was my period.
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