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(803):
i cant tell if my neck hurts from sleeping on it wrong, or giving head.
(423):
The Sober me knows I have no rhythm. But the drunk me thinks i run the dance floor
(204):
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
(541):
I just wrote "magical florescent unicorn rides" above his dick with a sharpie! OWNED!
(248):
I let him borrow my car to party with his friends and he brought my car back totalled with a 14 year old inside of it, and failed to realize he brought her back to my house.
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(703):
Soo... Totally told my teacher I liked it doggie style by accident todayy.. Followed by a thats what she said by the quiet kid in class.. Its always those quiet fuckerss
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