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(901):
I hope they legalize pot. Cause in 20 years, I'm gonna be sitting on my porch, smoking a blunt, telling your kids about the crazy shit we used to do. It's gonna be epic.
(417):
Deer should not be out this time of night. They should be sleeping. I need to talk to bambi's mom. This is unacceptable! @ 2:20 am
(757):
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
(304):
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
(918):
Why the hell did you leave me at ihop? (Rec'd): Cause you passed out and I couldn't wake you up. I left you there an hour and a half ago, are you just waking up?
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(915):
I'm petri fucking drink
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