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(860):
i talk with a 40 year old woman about having a baby with me, and im 26", holy crap!!! hopefully she knew that i was drunk
(517):
So I gave my ID to the bouncer outside the bar. Turns out he was a hot dog vendor.
(630):
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
(510):
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
(908):
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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(469):
FYI if you go to KFC and want to get the pink bucket for breast cancer, don't ask for the Boobie Bucket.
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