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(717):
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
(404):
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
(507):
(recv'd) I swear to God the truck behind me is a Transformer! (recv'd) It's ok, I'm not a deceptacon.
(270):
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
(724):
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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(915):
I told her I don't really get hard from eating pussy. So she jerked my dick with her feet while I went down on her. Fucking ingenious lol!!!
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