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(269):
Texted last night: "Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown." MDT
(605):
im taking a shot for every merry christmas text i get...its 11:30 am and im hammered
(706):
(706) dude i don't remember v-day at all..the last thing i remember is you telling me your gf cheated and is pregnant (770) yeah, that was at nine a.m. then you threw me a beer, said happy valentine's day, and we didn't stop drinking until you passed out at midnight beside the coffee table. (706) wtf best valentine's day ever!
(904):
But i made ypu macncheese and you dont love me?!?!
(337):
I was thinking about giving you a blowjob but I remembered I can't eat meat on Fridays so sorry.
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(915):
I just woke up drunk in a Mc Donalds parking lot. The car is drive with my foot on the break and somehow I ordered a double cheese burger with no bun. WTF??
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