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(610):
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
(601):
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
(870):
Dude...I woke up this morning one hand cuffed to a head board, 2 naked girls covered in chocolate, and a fifth of jose.
(615):
Arkansas has a gas station called kum and go... story of my life
(thebestfriend):
Last night, my bff sent "noo wooreez bout me. i am drancking sakee and i am goin to danse on a pole with my cab deriver jeezus. he sed i can deverginifry him. sexsexsex. loving you, barbie" MDT
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(420):
You were really drunk and I was wearing my Humboldt shirt and you kept reading it thinking it said "Humbolot." And you said that I was the part of the "Knights of Humbolot." Yeah...
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