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(512):
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
(631):
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
(910):
laxatives and beer = worst idea ever. i just shit off 10 pounds.
(304):
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
(412):
I think you threatened to put me into a shallow grave last night? And then asked if we could cuddle...
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(787):
R: Yo dude save a few beers. S: NOOO R: Save some!!! S: Ur gettin laid.. we get the fuckijn beerfs
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