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(740):
you came home at 4:00, opened a new box of bagel bites, threw them in the microwave, slammed it shut and yelled "YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" and woke everybody up.
(801):
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
(419):
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
(860):
(received) I'm knocked up (sent) whose? (received) my kinda-ex husband (sent) tell him yet? (received) no, was thinking of just making it my fb status and letting one of his gf's relatives deliver the news that he cheated on her w me & got me preggers. evil? (sent) genius
(978):
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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(Anonymous):
what are you looking at? bitch shut the fuck up and get on my level
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