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(484:):
man, we were stupid to give up sex for Lent... (610): yeah, but he had to give up shaving. i HATE when he doesn't shave... (484): uh, really? because it looks like he's pretty clean today... (610): HE SHAVED? I CAN FUCK HIM ON SUNDAYS!
(405):
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
(612):
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
(720):
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
(540):
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (rec'd): you've hit the jackpot
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(Anonymous):
The worst part is... I started making his dick hole talk. In a Russian accent.
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