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(412):
someone drew a dick on my face when I was passed out and my tongue is still blue from the jello shots... shit I have to go to church in half an hour
(508):
You put a Chipotle Burrito in baby's clothing and left it in the trash to see if anyone would think it was a baby.
(417):
Vanilla scented airfreshener just makes the bathroom smell like someone shit an icecream cone.
(315):
I went to do laundry today and found a handle of triple sec and a bottle of peach schnapps in my basket under all my clothes...i think i have a drinking problem. but on the plus side I didnt have as many dirty clothes as I thought
(708):
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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(419):
"The movie is the shit..I just shoveled the entire johnstown driveway. Do you realize how long and deep that was? thats what she said. I want code red."
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