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(330):
I was planning on just making a strawberry milkshake and, when looking for the blender, found a bottle of Bacardi so want to go out tonight?
(818):
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape (310): wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape? (818): why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
(847):
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
(614):
thinks you're doing something very wrong if you get herpes in your eye
(318):
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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(301):
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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