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(619):
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
(519):
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
(919):
Your text totally went off in my pants while I was taking a piss...Hmm what an interesting sensation... :)
(812):
the guys at work are taking a pool of when I'll get pregnant this summer.. i'll say it's been a good summer for my vagina
(626):
you're asking yourself "did he just...?" STOP. let me answer that. "yes. I just compared my penis to alcohol"
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(310):
I just found the missing piece of quesdilla from last night
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