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(626):
So, I just found out that my shorts are highly flammable..
(310):
I was watching "The Little Mermaid" with my 12 and 5-year-old nieces. The 12-year-old asked me "Why does Ariel always seem to have on lipstick underwater?" I responded with, "Maybe she’s born with it." The 5-year-old, without missing a beat, said "Maybe it’s Maybelline."
(319):
(sent) Did you two really fuck? (rec'vd) No, we just rolled around naked for an hour making noises...
(267):
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
(501):
Just realized that I've been drying off with the cum towel from the other night.
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(763):
jason, when i drink and then smoke.....I get fucked up... jason when i smoke and drink i might get sick and puke which i just got on my fone....FML
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