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(905):
I spilled whiskey on my weed lastnight, so it put it in my easy bake oven to dry it
(281):
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
(Bad Brad):
Last night I tweeted myself right down the stairs! I mean I actually got drunk, tweeted and fell down the stairs! Don't drink, tweet & fly! MDT
(816):
last night, she asks me to slap her in the face. win? (sent) nice! did you? (rec'd) Well, a gentleman does what a lady asks I guess...
(616):
(sent) Dude, goin to the beach today was like gettin raped (rec) Go on.... (sent) the first wave slapped me, knocked me over n stole my shorts.
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(310):
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
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