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(262):
last night i profected the art of unbuttoning his pants with one hand while drunk. all i do is win
(732):
I went on a blind date. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick."
(415):
DUDE I'm higher than barney and I just saw Sirus Black. No lie. In dog form tho.
(903):
ok so last night i blew my nose with toilet paper then wiped my ass with it and today i feel sick. could i have given myself the flu?
(773):
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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(Anonymous):
Last night, "no more for me it goes str8 to the vagina." MDT
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