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(707):
No panties or socks in my top drawer... Who steals panties? Fuckin creepers man.
(918):
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
(850):
dude, my roommate came home early and caught me burning a bowl in the living room. She called my mom to tell on me! EPIC FAIL
(814):
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell
(479):
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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(906):
(Received) velveeta is like the high grade mac and cheese (Sent) thank you for apreciating my high roller status
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