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(816):
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" - MDT
(585):
Best thing to hear in the morning: my lower back hurts because of all that crazy dick sucking you got last night (801): That has to be the best complaint ever.
(601):
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
(845):
i have to sneeze but i dont feel like i remember how to.
(425):
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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(440):
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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