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(414):
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
(267):
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
(919):
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
(818):
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
(914):
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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(313):
Received: "yeah i just thought about something.. i fucked moe john and 7 all in the same week like a day a part. i'm a whore." MDT
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(313):
Received this text last night from a hammered friend: "Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone." MDT
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