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(601):
I'm drinking a beer in bed at 1am on the first day of 2011. happy fucking new year.
(217):
you know when you wake up the next morning and your pants are glued to your ceiling...that was one hell of a night
(817):
my dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom.
(503):
so far, I've found 3 hamsters in my house. dude, what the hell happened last night?
(856):
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
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(905):
On s scale ofe qA1 to frunk i'm cryiunkdd (905): Lol...dude when you see how retarded that statement just sounded tmrw you will laugh lol
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(905)
(905):
DUDE, you just drank that sideways!
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(905)
(905):
R: almost anywhere i go i remember drunk walks down the streets S: itl be dangerous when you have a car
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(905)
(905):
i was getting all hot and excited and it was going great... up until he pulled out a strap-on and asked me to put it on..
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(905)
(905):
Rcvd: Whereru? Sent: Leaving pizza pizza meow Rcvd: Staynmnmonmenmhonmenmwithnmnme Sent: I beg your pardon Rcvd: Come over
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(905)
(905):
its like i wanna suck all the time true say
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(905)
(905):
have you seen Rocky IV? that's what i'm going to do to your vagina!
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(905)
(905):
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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109
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(905)
(905):
as soon as i whipped it out the only words that came out of her mouth was 'holy cock batman!'
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(905)
(905):
I shall keep him interested. I mean I told him im a virgin and he just looked like a kid on christmas morning lmao
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(905)
(905):
hey what are you up to? (905) the usual, drinking and dipping things in ranch
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(905)
(905):
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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(905)
(905):
I wouldnt call it "running" from the cops, i saw police running so i could only figure there was something wrong that way so i ran "with" them the other way
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(905)
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