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(714):
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
(440):
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
(812):
dude you blew a 1.54 when they breathalized you and when the cops asked you if you needed an ambulance you told them "fuck no i just need a ciggarette" (1-812) i'ma hardass like that.
(217):
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
(904):
Attention all units, this is your captain speaking, we have a three 13 in progress, i repeat a three 13 in west unit. Please remain calm, all sergreants report to main control, ten four
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(703):
Fuck you. Not in the good way.
Great Night
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10
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Bad Night
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6
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(0)
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(703)
(703):
I've always been kinky, but this is a whole new level.
Great Night
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18
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Bad Night
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3
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(0)
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(703)
(703):
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics (571) fuuuuuuuuck you
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20
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0
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(0)
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(703)
(703):
Omg..lost my flip flops, got bruised knees, and my left nipple is all sore...good night?!
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14
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12
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(0)
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(703)
(703):
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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177
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10
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(1)
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(703)
(703):
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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110
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21
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(1)
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(703)
(703):
your breath smells like an old lady fart that's passed through and onion
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1
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6
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(703)
(703):
ew! no they cant get pregnant! that kid would look like a cross between spock and an ape!!
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4
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13
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(0)
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(703)
(703):
Just... TRY not to suck any dick today? Okay?
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317
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13
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(0)
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(703)
(703):
Dude... You took your shirt off and asked the chick at the bar if you could put your belly on her back. How the fuck don't you get kicked out of bars!? (703) I need to start video taping my nights haha
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(703)
(703):
This is why I hate summer.. Everywhere I go people are like "GINGER!" yeah you fuck head. i get it. i have red hair. it's not like we're a different race or something..
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(703)
(703):
does cum attract spiders?
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2
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15
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(703)
(703):
Just found out why her Vagina is nicknamed the Grand Canyon
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3
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19
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(703)
(703):
my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis."
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106
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(703)
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