(440): He named his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth."

Great Night (176) Bad Night (148) Comment (2) More texts from (440)

(440): dude. my dad. stoned. in subway.

Great Night (18) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): You don't even need a slave just yo face ha! (1-440): I believe it's plate*

Great Night (0) Bad Night (5) Comment (1) More texts from (440)

(440): S: Shut up or I'll pinch your dick. R: That means shes playing with it!

Great Night (12) Bad Night (1) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): My penis needs a home.

Great Night (15) Bad Night (2) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): Wake up in the mornin feelin like P Diddy (440) ...if P Diddy wakes up incredibly sore and hungry and startles himself awake by almost rolling off his bed.

Great Night (27) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): My butt is sweaty :(

Great Night (3) Bad Night (26) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): dude i can hear hooves in my bathrrom i knew when we came to help you with the deer i should have never took the venicine to go wrote a letter to its parents thanking them for the good meal and making fun of the way they fight

Great Night (8) Bad Night (4) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): so, i still have a arrow with yes written above it above my boobs...what happened?

Great Night (17) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): S- How was you trip to vegas? R- Good. Minus the shitting my pants and having my mom go buy me underwear

Great Night (4) Bad Night (13) Comment (0) More texts from (440)

(440): I woke up to my dog licking my vagina!!! ( no i didnt even bother to stop it. Even when it bit my vagina!

Great Night (13) Bad Night (30) Comment (15) More texts from (440)

(440): I was at work. I was talking with a customer about a product we have called "Golden Slumbers" and how great it is for your skin and how it improves your mood. She looked really uncomfortable and left. I realized after that I was telling her how great "Golden Showers" are. Yeah that hungover :(

Great Night (23) Bad Night (116) Comment (5) More texts from (440)

(440): Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.

Great Night (21) Bad Night (151) Comment (4) More texts from (440)

(440): I'm a professional body piercer. A girl complained that I stared at her boobs while I was piercing her nipple.

Great Night (68) Bad Night (205) Comment (7) More texts from (440)

Remember The Pics From Last Night?

Best Friends :)
Awesomeness!