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(517):
I wish i had a bunch of cake mix... Then i could make a big Fucking cake!
(917):
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
(419):
man dude her vag was torn up. (rec'vd) go dude you got some. (sent) no, i didnt want it after it was sticking outta her dress while she was doing a keg stand. i think she tans to much it was wrinkly and smelled like eggs.
(315):
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
(701):
(rec) dude sober up. (sent) DONT CUSS LIKE THAT!!
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(401):
I think I'm still drunk. I just saluted my advisor at the urinal
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(401):
I think I'm still drunk. I just saluted my advisor at the urinal.
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(401)
(401):
you get sagatory raped ALOT!
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(401)
(401):
this is how drunk i was last night... i woke up in the morning to pee and there were two tampons inside my vag. whoever let me go to the bathroom completely wasted should get punched in the mouth.
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(401)
(401):
maia, if i had a penis, i'd be a cheeseburger in paradise.
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(401)
(401):
lmao don't be a little bitch with your chitchat just show me where your dicks at!! (401): JUSR FCUKIN SJUPW ME DUJDE WTY IS YPIR TPBK O KUSY WAN DA DOL (401):Lol what the fuck read that tomorrow and translate plz (401): Olnfaowikll!!n!!n!! !!N!! (401): lol kelsey idk wtf you are trying to say lmao (401): >!}>nn! lnmso
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(401)
(401):
"i woke up next to a drum set. with no pants on. and one shoe. success."
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(401)
(401):
blahh girls with tiny butts are ugly (401): there's no "i like small butts" song
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(401)
(401):
sent:i love my drunk self, i found may way home, took out my contacts, got dressed for bed, and on top of it i hooked up with a hot girl on the way home received: i know i heard you come in, i'm very impressive
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(401)
(401):
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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(401)
(401):
Sent: I just found a 1/4 of some DANK bud in a hole in my wall.... I'm souped.
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(401)
(401):
I can't stop thinking about freshman year when I got my hand stuck in the sewing machine
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(401)
(401):
my stepdad asked my boyfriend if he prefers redtube or pornhub. my boyfriend said pornhub, and my stepdad nudged me, winked and went 'this one's a keeper' win or lose?
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(401)
(401):
s- i love. Yu. Im fucked up. Fuckevru one im gonna ikll sojmeone r- please appear out of nowhere next time im drinking burnettes and smirnoff vodka and stop me. s-lmao please come out out no where next time imm cocked outta my mind and screaming in some random bitches face lmao.
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