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(717):
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
(246):
condoms bought: 3 packs. condoms used: 3 packs. condoms used by me: 0.
(208):
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
(313):
I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home.
(209):
"dude you fucked her first, why the hell didn't warn me bout what i was getting into??!" (my friend replied): "thought her wanting to be a pro wrestler would be enough warning"
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(719):
Recvd: Got with Kara last night........ Sent: The whore? Recvd: Yeah Sent: No surprise there Recvd: No but when i fingered her and it looked like I had cottage cheese on my fingers I got a surprise there
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(719 ):
(S) I just lost my virginity! (R) to who casper? Lol (S) no bitch your boyfriend
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(719 )
(719):
Not one... Not two... But three BEAUTIFUL joints! :D
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(719)
(719):
R- i dont know what i wanna say but tell me about kitties S- Hottiys r cuteds! Sooo cute. I wabnna hairless kchillin
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(719)
(719):
(S) dude! You kno what would be hilrarous to order at McDonalds? (R) what? (S) a McWeiner! I wouldn't be able to order that with a straight face! Don't get me started on the whole supersizing part! (R) Epic
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(719)
(719):
Sean ur so excited next to thow butterfly panadrides
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(719)
(719):
Sent: dude where did you guys go? recvd: aldofos sent: o you still there? recvd: yeah man why sent: get me a cali and green sauce! recvd: why sent: so ill fucking sober up so i can drive or im sleeping in your bed recvd: ill be back in five minutes with the cali
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(719)
(719):
I'm in a buffet. There's unlimited champagne... this is heaven
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(719)
(719):
Sent-OMG! SHEEP! rcvd- wat? r u stoned? snt- nooooo i am driving and i just passed SHHEEEEEEPPPPPPP!!!!
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(719)
(719):
Dude why do i have to drive Cuz im drunk bro Its my 18th man Dude im already 18 Seniority rule biotch oh and were going to the strip club Ok ill fucking drive :D
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(719)
(719):
Sent: I feel like women are like pokemon, you've gotta catch them all. Reply: Do you also feel that way about STD's?
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(719)
(719):
Oh god, she's got the ugly.
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(719)
(719):
Men have fantasy baseball. Women have fantasy sex lives.
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(719)
(719):
the good news: its not my period... the bad news: pretty sure i have a uti.......
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