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(325):
Did Kesha throw up in my backseat or something??? There's glitter EVERYWHERE!!!
(304):
I think drunk me is hiding something from sober me....drunk me always deletes my text messages and browser history....I need to set up a video camera to catch me.
(717):
dude, weed appears if you buy a bong, but food doesn't just appear if you have a plate. words of wisdom.
(918):
Sent "Her boyfriend was at the house so I need you to come pick me up at Arbys. I am laying in the bushes so I won't get arrested for public drunk.
(765):
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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(403):
what did my saturday night, consit of ? thinking everyone was a half person/half train then being a camel lost in the desert...i love salvia !!
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(403)
(403):
been begging people to take us to timmies all night, realized we had donuts downstairs... thanks MDT!
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(403)
(403):
so were goin out drinkin so i figure i should put important numbers in my new phone and go figure it ended up being a phonebook of fuck buddies
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(403)
(403):
He was on top of me, and kept asking me to give him head. I kept saying no, then all of a sudden he was just like "hey, this is almost like frogger!"
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(403)
(403):
Sent 4am- I dont wanna wake you but just though id let you know i wanna massage you in places you didnt know existed!!! recv at 7 am- I dont wanna wake you but im shaking with anticipation and thats the raddest messege ive got at 4 am. lol
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(403)
(403):
she actually asked me if I would show her how to play just the tip!!
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(403)
(403):
hey this evil plan is working better than i thought! maybe i should join forces with his ex and we can plan to take over the world!! wanna come??
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(403)
(403):
(r'vd at 10:05pm):866 378655 866 8398 (r'vd at 10:06pm):Too drunk tootext.
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(403)
(403):
Apparently you can kill a baby by shaking it... How are you supposed to get them to quiet down? Spanking is illegal in this country.
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(403)
(403):
her crotch smelt like crackers, mmm good.
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(403)
(403):
I am going to give your scarf you left@ my place to your drug dealer, because I figure you'll see him before me
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(403)
(403):
I am going to give your scarf you left@ my place to your drug dealer, because I figure you'll see him before me
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(403)
(403):
My walk of shame: Stepping over guys in sleeping bags and them laughing at me because I totally robbed the cradle. Then he drove me to pick up my car at the bar! Young guys are so sweet.
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(403)
(403):
Holy fuck. You know those cars that play the bass so loud they bounce a little? Yeah. That's what my skull is doing rite now =]
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