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(917):
6 tequilas, 4 scotches & 5 beers = bad idea. Woke up in the zoo outside monkey cages, fuckers threw poop at me all night long. What do I tell my dry cleaner?
(512):
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
(250):
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
(570):
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
(404):
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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(whynot):
Sent last night: "All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg" MDT
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