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(815):
i just woke up with anal beads in my mouth and a toy dinosaur up my ass, and i have no idea where i am.
(561):
My nipples are itching like crazy. Why is everyone staring at me?
(319):
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions.
(870):
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
(415):
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
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(blondie):
T-Rex is off to McCormicks by herself. Im workin on catchin the bees that r in the cupboard...how dare they taunt me..i need candy treats..weeeee
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