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(574):
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
(661):
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
(518):
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
(780):
And when I said nice cleavage that was drunk talk for "I like your new haircut"
(480):
cab ride to scottsdale: 68$. halloween costume that was shamelessly ripped off: 50$. doing the walk of shame with his 100$ bottle of patron that i stole in my purse: priceless.
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(979):
At least u have curves and tits...I'm bones and nipples!!!
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(979)
(979):
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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(979)
(979):
Bro next thing I knew I woke up naked by the beach next to a dog that I don't know. I hope I didn't do anything too crazy...
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(979)
(979):
I'll buy you a hamburger from whataburger if you let me use your bed to fuck in tonight (1-979): Deal!
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(979)
(979):
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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(979)
(979):
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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(979)
(979):
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
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(979)
(979):
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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(979)
(979):
Just had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!"
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(979)
(979):
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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(979)
(979):
I'm 17. I'm an adult in the state of Texas. If I want older dick I can have older dick.
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(979)
(979):
Peeing in a urinal with flip flops on is so refreshing on a warm summer day!
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(979)
(979):
All i want to say before i go to sleep is- first orgasm tonight, a great way to start off the summer.
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(979)
(979):
Friend: I saw ur ex @ the club and I pushed him down the stairs & told him that he fucked with my boy and it wasn't ok. Me: Really? Friend: And then I stepped on his foot w/ my stiletto & stole his drink & called him a bitch in front of his friends. Me: Really? Friend: No. But I gave him a shit look and and though about it. Me: Good. Because I slept with him this afternoon and we are talking about getting back together. Friend: LMFAO...
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